Mum

Today marks 9 years since Mum passed away, for various reasons this year we haven't been able to get down to put flowers on her grave and I'm feeling a little lost for ways to mark the day. I would normally have gone to her gonetoosoon.org page but this has been closed down now. Apologies if this post doesn't read well and seems a little bit random but I hoped that writing it down might be cathartic. 

My mum was a very strong willed lady and very proud of her danish heritage and would take every opportunity to remind me to be strong because I'm 'part viking'. She would stand up for what she believed was right (even if it wasn't) and no one wanted to be on the wrong side of her, which at the time I used to find embarrassing but now amusingly I seem to be getting that reputation.

I have fond memories of Sundays growing up, Mum would cook the roast dinner (even though Dad was as chef, hers were always better) I vividly remember the sound of her beating the yorkshire pudding batter whilst I was playing the living room. Sunday lunch would be followed by a trip to our grandparents where the whole family would descend for a lovely family tea complete with my Nana's cakes and if we were lucky her æblekage (danish apple).

As I've lived in and around Sheffield since going to university in 2001 there was quite a distance between us but we would catch up most days whilst I walked home from work, I still miss those chats where we would put the world to rights.

Unfortunately Mum also suffered from depression and a terrible smoking habit which is what ultimately took her from us. Watching her go through this and the impact it has had on everyone around her has left me with a very strong anti-smoking stance, and determined that Chloe and Oliver don't experience anything like that, obviously I know it isn't all in my control, but if I can prevent it I will.

I've found becoming a mummy and watching the children grow particularly difficult without having her to turn to, I think this is natural as most girls would turn to their Mums at this time. As Chloe and Oliver grow I see more and more of her in them. Chloe is very strong willed and will fight for what she believes as right, and Oliver has a fierce temper which I expect will be a force to be reckoned with in the future.

I hope I'm becoming the strong woman Mum tried to raise me to be and that I can be the strong role model for Chloe and Oliver that she was for me when she was well.

Miss you Mum x